I've been crying lately. I mean, I have a soft side, but holy monkeys, I just can't seem to stop crying. I think there may be something wrong with me.
I cried watching Glee. I know the feeling of rejection so well it makes me sick. Every time I watch someone's heart break, mine breaks with them. Again. It's like being kicked in the stomach. So then I think about it for two days and cry about it every time. Like I'm doing right now. Why am I writing this online? As I said before, I think there may be something wrong with me.
The furnace in my home is on the fritz. I walked into the hall this morning to be met with 58 degree air and all I could do was gasp and try to keep breathing in my shivering.
Until about a year ago, I genuinely stood by the Biblical mandate that it's wrong to use God's name in vain- that saying "oh my god" was a nasty thing. And then I started saying it ALL the time and told myself it was okay. I'm not okay with it anymore. So now every time I say it, I'm giving Jesus .25 which shall be deposited in the collection bucket on Sunday morning.
Blurg. We're out of kleenex at the office, which means that messes- either on my face or from my lunch- are being sopped up with napkins. Yuckers.
One of my new favorite websites:
http://coverlaydown.com/
This website was passed on to me by Becky Anderson. Thank you, Becky. Some of the downloaded songs are quickly becoming favorites. "How's the World Treating You" by Alison Kraus and James Taylor gets 10 stars as does "The Best is Yet to Come" by Patti Griffin.
It's Wednesday afternoon and I don't have any stories prepared for the week as of yet. I was hoping that writing and blogging might get the writing juice back to my fingers.
Wonderful news- I got new business cards that aren't horribly ugly today! I'm not so embarrassed giving out my card anymore :) Plus they gave us like 1,000 so I think I'll have a job for a while.
I have a ton of homework to do- before tomorrow. I haven't even looked at my assignments yet, probably out of sheer terror that I'll find out that I have more homework to do than God intended. Grad school, you are a strange little monster.
I'm tired of eating frozen box food all the time. I'm HELLA sick of this weather. I'm tired of being sad for reasons I don't understand. I'm so tired of dealing with my roommate situation and the poison with which it has infected my life.
I feel like a wuss this week. I don't feel brave anymore. I don't feel brave anymore in general.
Rats. Co-worker came in medias res of this post and I cussed again. Blurg.
I feel more like Liz Lemon everyday. Making up silly words. Saying blurg all the time. Never holding onto relationships.
Oh, and what is it with this cheating business, especially as we see on Glee? I wonder if some people have a proclivity to cheat. I really think they do. And some of us are glued to fidelity and find ourselves chronically single. What. the. f.
I bought myself a ring from JCPenney's for Valentine's Day this year. (It's really, really pretty) I decided that if there's no boy in my life to buy me pretty things, I'll buy myself pretty things. I think this is an attitude I'll adopt for a once-monthly gift. At least when I look at pretty things I don't feel as alone.
I bought a MyTouch last week. It's already acting crappily. Regardless, I like the Bible app I downloaded and reading the tiny little pages. It feels novel and actually really practical.
Let's read a Psalm I read last night. Ps. 42:5 in the Message (picked at random) :
Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God- soon I'll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He's my God.
