where are you now

One of his songs shuffled to the top on a playlist tonight.

Sigh.

Why these things don't work out I simply do not know. And a million other things that I just. don't. know.

It makes me sad. I liked that one- that boy. I never even listened to his songs when we were slightly together. I refused to get that emotional element gushing in my head. I wish I could tell him that. That it was never about talent.

But, simply put, it didn't work. It never did in the past. People change; Jesus changes people. But it takes a long time.

Not that he'll ever, in a million years, know. But my friend Britta started posting letters to those in her life that will never know what she wanted to say. So I'm taking an idea from her.

Dear you,

I miss you. And I wish it had worked. And I think about you often. I would only hope that the end of "we" didn't leave you in hell; I went there for a few days, myself.

I wish I could write songs like you and figure it out, but for now I'll stick with prose. I regret, terribly, that we never got to sing together. I'll always wonder how that may have sounded (because I know it would have been a beautiful thing).

You're so close. You're on the way. I hate that we aren't on the same place in this journey. Because I wish we were.

Dammit. I wish we were. But wishes are only wishes.

So for now I say goodbye to you, for the millionth time.

-M