I want one real bad.

I'm not running away.

I am, however, running harder than I ever have in my entire life and hoping the results pay off...

Doesn't mean I'm not thinking about it

I am running away.

I am going to be a roadie with a professional ballet company.

I am a little scared about life right now.

Oh wait.

Running away isn't going to fix anything.

Sigh.

I'm writing primarily so I can stop looking at the photo of that deathly gorgeous ring.

Mmmk.

Had a bbq this weekend. It was just globs of fun. For real. I adore throwing parties, but heavens they take quite the commitment of time in prep.

I start school next week. AHHHHHHHHH. Freaking insane. Freaking insane in a love it + freaked out way. One class on Thursday nights. I can do this. I can do this. I will do this and I will kick it.

Drinking coffee at present. Gotta get this Monday rolling.

I would like this, please. Granted, a boyfriend would be necessary. hmmm....

Just give me (please):

-More casual days at work

-Happiness when I watch reruns of Jim and Pam

-This office, which I truly adore

-Nights like last night when, in the middle of suburbia, there is no sound and no light pollution, accompanied only by the sound of crickets

-$10 in my wallet and knowing it's going to get me through the rest of the week

-Slurpees with Britta and knowing she's going to do phenomenal things

-Stories that show the good side of people

-A Bible chapter that slaps me in the face or makes me cry

-Free coffee at work

-My boss being super nice to me

-A gift card to Starbucks that was totally unexpected

Hopefully, someday, please give me:

-An Andy Warhol Exhibit where I can sit for HOURS

-A turntable for my records

-A Mac for my desk at home

-A Masters degree

-A little apartment in a big city

Today I'm in dreaming mode...

a bagel

Monday came too early this week.

Today started off with a new outfit, great hair, great shoes. And then I had a meeting where I felt utterly patronized and a little foolish. I don't feel young when it comes to most things. But sometimes my job makes me feel very young and unexperienced.

I suppose that only changes as I spend more time in the workplace. I wish I could fast forward my work experience but manage to stay 24.

I am currently listening to my other co-workers gripe about each other. It's ugly. Yikes.

But hey, I brought bagels to work today. Shouldn't that make everything better?

therefore

I have firmly decided that "creative" writing, as in, writing that's not for the sake of purely journalistic reasons, is very important to the writer and their overall style.

Therefore, that is why I blog, amongst other reasons.

To get back today- today is Thursday. It's almost 10 and I've been watching You Tube videos for about the last hour. I've been watching the hilarious ones. They've made me cry in laughter.

I can't believe that summer's almost over. My summer means time away from Young Life and what feels like the more serious aspects of my job. I've had a lot of time off this summer.

This week has been a curse on wheels. I saw married-ex boyfriend Tuesday after a year of not seeing him... He walked two feet in front of me and "ignored" me. Call me a priss, but I'm distinctive. It's not like you can look at me and not know it's me. And somehow, God helped me shove the bile of words that were inching up my throat back down to hell where they belonged.

That man doesn't deserve an ounce of my time or a single word from a mouth that desires to be a spring of holy water.

Then yesterday, my boss and I had to fire one of my freelancers. The guy left me four voice mails, four emails, told me I was "royally screwed up," but that he still wants to talk. Yep, that's not happening. But oh man. The things I could have said to this guy.

It was certainly a week of keeping things quiet.

I talked to my YL girls about it last night- how sometimes self control is the "guts to NOT do something."

Truly, I can't take credit for any of this. But I'm glad He's permeated, and will continue to, that dark part of my soul where bitterness spews from horrible memories and even the memories of yesterday.

This week has been bonkers-busy. I'm so glad it's Thursday. I have meetings almost all day tomorrow. Meetings aren't bad. They get me out of the office and they make me happy. Meeting new people is my favorite part of the job.

Mmmk. So I wrote long ago, on my mirror with mirror crayons, that when I got into grad school (which I did :D :D :D :D :D ) that I'd buy myself a tiffany's necklace. Here it is. :

okay, the post isn't working. Grrrrrrrrrrrr. But it's beautiful. And $400. ha.

Can't quite grasp how I'm going to afford it. Hmm. But I want to wear it on the first day of school. Ah, school. What a strange concept. Didn't think I'd go back- ever. I guess it's pretty clear that life changes. It changes fast. I change. I like that I change.

Guess it's time to start saving like crazy. Sigh. There goes my clothes budget. I'm going to cut my weekly spendings in half. Buying cheap wedding gifts. Being content with the stuff that I have. Waiting for my birthday before I buy a turn table to play my records or a steamer for my curtains and my work pants to give them perfect creases.

When I was little, I think I figured life would be a teeny bit difficult. Well, it's not just a teeny bit. It's a huge bit. And I never thought it'd be expensive. But if this is where I'm supposed to go, then who am I to second guess it? Why do I freak out about the money? No, that's not okay.

THIS MEANS I HAVE TO CUT MY COFFEE BUDGET. Holy cow. I don't know how that's going to go. Oh yikes.

Legit. Thought I was going to get fired today. I didn't. I am so. happy.

Plus, I have one of the most gorgeous living rooms in the world, thanks to time and hundreds of dollars.

Plus, I filled my schedule for the week and stories for the week within a few hours today. That's just incredible.

Too many *pluses* today.

And the funniest part of my weekend: a little girl came over for my roommate's bbq and asked me, "Are you going to live here (in this house) forever?"

I said yes.